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" I say, "No, I drink regular." And she's like, "You're a model. I always carry hot sauce in my bag, but I don't have it with me. I try not to read the tabloids, and I am not fully aware of what's going on, but I find out that the press is turning this whole thing into a fashion show by commenting on what I was wearing. When I get out of the car, my bodyguard grabs my bag and just hands it to someone. I'm not treating the police like they are my valet, like the papers will say later, it's just that I'm used to gentlemen. I recognize one of the other Sanitation officers because he does security at night at Nobu. Today our assignment is to clean the walls of a corridor, which are very dirty. Apparently, people on the Internet are rating my outfits.There are seven of us cleaning, including a lady from Poland. Barry says, "Would you get off your hands and knees, please? With everything happening in the world, in Iraq, in Africa, this is what they focus on? When I arrive, I go straight to him and say, "I'm so sorry." And he looks at me and goes, "It was my pleasure."I change in the locker room, and one of the ladies who works the night shift is complaining to me about how someone left the toilet in a not-very-nice way.They tell me some of the things they've read about me, like that I have a diamond-encrusted Black Berry. I don't really have many yes-people in my life anymore.I've gotten away from them—all the agents, assistants, people who would never tell me the truth and watch me destroy myself. I'm not proud of what I did, but it's something I definitely learned from.
By this time I am definitely in charge of the lunch. And my mother, who was a contemporary ballet dancer, left me with a nanny from the time I was three until I was 12 while she traveled.
But of course many of those people maybe didn't want to work with me anymore, either, which I totally understand. The last time I was on the subway you had to use tokens. The important thing to me is that I did my job, that the Sanitation people were happy with the work I did. Now I have to get on with my life, keep working on my problems and go to meetings every day. I want to go out in style, and fashion is what I've done for 21 years. So, when I'm finished with my work, I slip on the silver sequined Dolce & Gabbana demi-couture gown that I packed in my bag this morning.
Most people can rely on their family, but I tried to deal with everything on my own. I never had problems with men, because if they bothered me, I'd tell them to f--- off. I thought, That's the best way to protect myself. Quincy Jones and Chris Blackwell are like fathers to me, and Norma is like a sister. I take Norma to Marc Jacobs because I want to buy her a present. I put it on lying down so I can't be snapped by the paparazzi, who can see in the window.
And that caused me to reassess myself and get real treatment for my anger and my addictions. I'm such a controlling person, but I had to just let go and let something higher than me be in control of my destiny. Some people can handle a drink or a line of cocaine, but I've finally come to realize that, for me, it's all or nothing�and it has to be nothing. One of my coworkers gets wings; I get chicken stew. A very nice lady from the Sanitation passes out drinks. The radio is tuned to an Eighties station, so I hear a lot of ABBA and Donna Summer. When it's time to go, I sign out and go back into the circus outside. I'm rushing because I don't want to be late.
She smiles and she says to me, "Don't you want a Diet Coke? He saves the day because he somehow finds me hot sauce. I go to the gym, then Steven and I go to dinner at the Dylan Hotel, which has a great steak house. Then the 11 o'clock news rolls around, and my friends start calling and texting me. I make sure I arrive every morning early, at five to eight. I'm getting all these calls from designers and stylists asking me to wear their clothes.