Family adult chat
But unfortunately, it is too often the case that the “neurotypical” (i.e., non-Asperger’s) wife/partner views these traits as “defects that could be corrected if the man would just try harder,” resulting in the wife/partner feeling depreciated, unloved and resentful (which is truly the downside of AS for men). As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems.
Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too.
I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them.
They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM!
I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. I wish I had read it about 15 years ago, before I married my husband in 2000. I am a physician myself who has worked with many children with DD and have also been reading every book I could find on the subject since I realized Aspergers was likely the cause of my husband's odd behaviors.
Inappropriately, he has suggested I sleep on the couch and let him come to the home for visits, have him continue to live here but in the basement room, and has had coffee to discuss the divorce with a divorced father with whom we are only distantly acquainted through our children in the same neighborhood.The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. AS males may seem set in their ways and can appear to be selfish or insensitive.They may speak without weighing how their words will affect others. AS men have been known to pass blame onto other people. AS men have been known to explode over relatively minor things (e.g., a burnt meal, a missing book, etc.). However, the man may feel that he is a “bad” person to behave in such a way, yet feels powerless to change. In a romantic relationship, the AS man may resist physical touch and public or private displays of affection. Job interviews often pose a problem since the AS man has impaired social skills and may not respond appropriately, or may misread the interviewer’s body language. Males with AS have normally spent decades learning how to get by in life. Males with AS often have a reputation for being cranky and difficult.In some cases, he may have learned about sex through watching porn on the Internet.This can be extremely disconcerting if he tries to act-out similar scenes with his partner/spouse. Social activity may be limited, and the AS man’s wife often forms her own friendships and socializes while her husband stays at home. Some AS males end up living a secluded life style and become known as a “hermit” or a “recluse.” They seem to cope better by being isolated, and feel less anxious than when they are confronted daily by the difficulties of interpersonal relationships. Some AS males prefer to have a confirmed diagnosis, while others would rather carry on with life as they have in the past.